Phase 2: Is this what i really want to do?

The next phase is generally the thought of, “is this really what I want to do?” At least this was MY mid semester crisis. As I mentioned before, I decided after much deliberation that I was going to major in Physics. I never quite understood all the strange looks that I got from people when I informed them of this bold choice. Soon that would all make perfect sense.

At first, the joy and excitement of university and dorm life masked the absolute horror that I would endure come time for the first round of mid terms. They just popped up out of nowhere.  Kind of like the unwanted houseguest that arrives just before you are going to go out. They seemed harmless at first, but really packed a big bite at my sanity and seemed to threaten my big master plan. (In case you forgot, I intended to prove time travel)

Suffice to say, my midterms hit me. Hard. With a stick. Despite my lack of preparation for these tests I continued to march on. Knowing that there was going to be another midterm AND a final that I could make up the lost marks so long as I work harder, much harder. 

This time I sat myself down and took school seriously. I made sure I completed all my work, and that I prepared for any upcoming tests. The problem was I lost all interest. I was killing myself to do well in something that I started to believe wasn’t the right choice for me. I figured that if I belonged in science I would love to sit there for seven hours finishing all my homework, and labs, after spending eight hours in class. As it was, I would cringe every time I had to force myself to sit there and finish my work. I caught myself drawing in my sketchbook more than I was studying which was not going to help me with my grades. 

Then a thought occurred, if my grades relied on drawing then naturally my grades would increase. Right?

This was the first step in second guessing my choice of physics. The next day I went to see my program counsellor, and happily told her of my desire to switch my major from physics to studio art. Now I am sure you could imagine the look on her face, almost the same look I got when I informed people that I was in physics. Although shocked, she was really there to help and supported me in my choice. I followed all the steps in gathering information on this new program, and even made an appointment with the dean of the studio art program. 

This was going to be the right choice, something that I would finally excel at. 

I forgot one little detail though. I was not that skilled in art. Yes I could draw, but not to the standard in which I could make a career out of it. It was just a hobby, something I did when I was stressed, or just plain bored.

Ultimately when it came time to make the final okay I made the right decision. I didn’t enter the studio art stream in my university career.  One would think that the whole process of going through the steps to change my major was a waste of time. At first I thought the same thing; I was exactly where I started, unhappy in physics.

Turns out I was so far from the truth, yes, studio art was a bad choice, but not all was lost. I realized that the only reason for the switch into another program that was the polar opposite of the one I was in was because I wanted to get as far away from my initial choice as I could.

From that point on I decided that I was going to stay in science temporarily until I found something else that made me happy, and more importantly something I would actually excel at.

Thus, I began the never-ending search and disappointment of finding my inner calling.     

Phase 1: The transition

We all know that school is important; it's something that is needed for when we “grow up" we use what we learn to obtain a "career".  This is all well and good, but what if you don't know what you want to do? What if you are like millions of other kids forced to pick their career at 16? Is school really that helpful? 

In today’s age somehow we are supposed to know exactly what we want to "do" before we finish grade 10 so we can pick all the right classes to move on to post secondary schooling.  I don't know about you but I felt rushed, that I didn't even know what I was about when I was 16. How was I supposed to know what I would excel at?

 Math? Science? Art? I loved it all. Ultimately science won the argument, I studied really hard and made sure I did well in my pre-reqs, and finally got accepted into university. I thought the hard part was over, that in 4 years I would be done school, ready to make a career in physics. I forgot one little factor though, what would I do with physics? How would this get me a job?  

I thought that once I picked a field of interest that was that; I do four more years of school; How hard could that be? Secondary school doesn't prepare you for the harsh reality of the world, or what you will run into along the way. In high school we all heard that we could be doctors, lawyers, great artists but no one told us how we would get those amazing careers, they just said pick something and then you can be great! 

I'm sorry to say, that is most defiantly NOT the case. 

I went into university with high hopes that I would be just as awesome with physics as I was in high school, that as long a I did a little more work than I usually did I was sure to excel and eventually prove my time travel theory (no joke, it was an awesome theory). To my dismay I was confronted with a whole new reality, I was no longer an obedient student but somehow an adult and treated as one. At first that seemed great, until I realized that being treated like an adult meant that I had to act like one.

In my experience regarding school I was used to a teacher who diligently made sure that you never forgot to do an assignment, we had ample warning and reminders about up-coming tests, not to mention a sever degree of lenience when it came to late assignments. Well all that just disappeared, just vanished! I was treated as an adult, so naturally as an adult I had to stay on top of my responsibilities. I had to make sure that I finished that assignment because I would lose a large percentage of marks or get zero altogether, if I didn't show up for that test, well I would have to do really well on the next one to make up for those lost marks.  By the time the first sets of midterms were done I didn't even know what happened? I was looking for my security blanket but it was gone, just ripped from my struggling clutches. 

My transition was painful, I had to learn the hard way, and even then I was not prepared for what my life would be like as a post secondary student. 

Next week I move onto phase 2: is this really what I want to do?