The next phase is generally the thought of, “is this really what I want to do?” At least this was MY mid semester crisis. As I mentioned before, I decided after much deliberation that I was going to major in Physics. I never quite understood all the strange looks that I got from people when I informed them of this bold choice. Soon that would all make perfect sense.
At first, the joy and excitement of university and dorm life masked the absolute horror that I would endure come time for the first round of mid terms. They just popped up out of nowhere. Kind of like the unwanted houseguest that arrives just before you are going to go out. They seemed harmless at first, but really packed a big bite at my sanity and seemed to threaten my big master plan. (In case you forgot, I intended to prove time travel)
Suffice to say, my midterms hit me. Hard. With a stick. Despite my lack of preparation for these tests I continued to march on. Knowing that there was going to be another midterm AND a final that I could make up the lost marks so long as I work harder, much harder.
This time I sat myself down and took school seriously. I made sure I completed all my work, and that I prepared for any upcoming tests. The problem was I lost all interest. I was killing myself to do well in something that I started to believe wasn’t the right choice for me. I figured that if I belonged in science I would love to sit there for seven hours finishing all my homework, and labs, after spending eight hours in class. As it was, I would cringe every time I had to force myself to sit there and finish my work. I caught myself drawing in my sketchbook more than I was studying which was not going to help me with my grades.
Then a thought occurred, if my grades relied on drawing then naturally my grades would increase. Right?
This was the first step in second guessing my choice of physics. The next day I went to see my program counsellor, and happily told her of my desire to switch my major from physics to studio art. Now I am sure you could imagine the look on her face, almost the same look I got when I informed people that I was in physics. Although shocked, she was really there to help and supported me in my choice. I followed all the steps in gathering information on this new program, and even made an appointment with the dean of the studio art program.
This was going to be the right choice, something that I would finally excel at.
I forgot one little detail though. I was not that skilled in art. Yes I could draw, but not to the standard in which I could make a career out of it. It was just a hobby, something I did when I was stressed, or just plain bored.
Ultimately when it came time to make the final okay I made the right decision. I didn’t enter the studio art stream in my university career. One would think that the whole process of going through the steps to change my major was a waste of time. At first I thought the same thing; I was exactly where I started, unhappy in physics.
Turns out I was so far from the truth, yes, studio art was a bad choice, but not all was lost. I realized that the only reason for the switch into another program that was the polar opposite of the one I was in was because I wanted to get as far away from my initial choice as I could.
From that point on I decided that I was going to stay in science temporarily until I found something else that made me happy, and more importantly something I would actually excel at.
Thus, I began the never-ending search and disappointment of finding my inner calling.
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